When No Means No (Except When It Means Yes!)
Monday 23rd of September 2013 | Category: Opinion | Written by: Sharon PicklesOver the summer holidays we visited various museums, farms and attractions in a bid to keep the little darlings entertained and stimulated. No matter how educational or wholesome a museum or castle may be, you can bet your bottom dollar that there will be the dreaded gift shop waiting to ensnare you and relieve you of your cash. I remember a particularly fractious outing to the Natural History Museum when my eldest son nagged me to visit the gift shop from the minute we set foot over the threshold to the minute he had the plastic dinosaur in his hand. He galloped past the exhibits at high speed, not stopping to look and appreciate anything, with me grumbling and calling him back. I should have explained to him that as he had been such a pain in the neck, he wasn't going to be rewarded with a treat at the end; what actually happened was that I was too tired and stressed to argue and gave in. Saying no and meaning no is a lot harder than it sounds.
Over the years I have developed a strategy for dealing with the gift shop/ice-cream/sweetie/ride type nagging that can be a feature of days out. We set out the 'treat' rules before we have even left the house and reminders are issued during the car journey and upon arrival at our destination. It's nice to treat our children and even spoil them a little as long as they don't assume that we are 'made of money' and they play the game. They behave, don’t whine, don’t nag and show enthusiasm for the animals or fossils and we buy them a pencil or a key ring for being good. This makes me sound like a grouchy scrooge but I never cease to be shocked by the price of items in gift shops and it’s hard not to do a Victor Meldrew impression when confronted by shelves of expensive cuddly animals. I just want my kids to learn that life isn’t all about buying and getting ‘stuff’; what’s wrong with that?
It can be even trickier if you are with a mummy friend and her offspring and she buys her children ice-creams or sweets etc. when you have said no. Your choices in this situation are to back down and get your purse out or stick to your guns and look like the wicked witch of the west. This is equally problematic in the reverse. You let your child have chocolate or cake in a café and your friend says, ‘Oh no, we don’t allow Molly to eat chocolate or cakes’. So whilst your child is stuffing their face with a chocolate muffin, poor little Molly looks on longingly; you squirm in your seat and feel like you’ve just fed poison to your child whilst your friend looks self-righteous.
Of course, nothing is black and white when it comes to saying no and I think all parents learn that there are times when you have to shift your position and respond to the occasion. Whilst trying to provide firm boundaries for our little ones, sometimes we just need to go with the flow and respond in a spirit of spontaneity.
