Should My Baby Sleep With Me?

Co-sleeping, the phrase used to describe the practice of sharing a bed with your baby, is probably one of the most debated subjects in modern parenting. For every expert who argues for its benefits, another research study warns parents against the practice. This leaves most mothers, dealing with their own exhaustion and their baby's haphazard sleeping pattern and frequent crying, confused and bewildered. So what is the 'right' thing to do? In as much as it seems there is no universally applied answer to this question, we can't tell you what to do. Frustrating though this is, remember that you are in a position to absorb all the available information and decide what will work for you and your child. Punch 'co-sleeping' into Google and you will get a wave of articles rushing towards you on this topic, so, to help you wade your way through it all, we've produced this handy guide to the pros and cons of sleeping with your baby.

Reasons to co-sleep with your baby

• A number of studies carried out by the UN agency UNICEF have found strong links between establishing and continuing breastfeeding and co-sleeping. It allows mother and baby to 'ebb and flow' through the night, spontaneously feeding without having to fully wake up. See http://www.unicef.org.uk/BabyFriendly/News-and-Research/Research/Bed-sharing-and-infant-sleep/.
• A variety of research studies have shown both an increased presence of growth and development hormones in babies who sleep with their mothers, and a reduction in stress hormones, such as cortisol. This may lead to happier, healthier children (though this is not borne out by every study).
• It matches your parenting style. Despite the vocal lobby against co-sleeping, there continues to be a significant proportion of parents in Western nations who choose to co-sleep with their child, as they believe it is a more natural way of being and parenting. This kind of parenting, often known as Attachment Parenting, is advocated by its proponents on the basis that outside of the industrialised nations, co-sleeping is the norm for parents around the globe, parents whom they argue are more 'in touch' with their children and themselves. Some social historians go on to discuss whether the reasons behind our putting children and babies in separate beds in separate rooms are rooted in a desire to display one's wealth, or because one holds on to a Victorian-esque notion that children need to be somehow regulated, controlled and curbed.

Reasons to not co-sleep with your baby

• A very long list of studies carried out by agencies charged with understanding Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (sometimes known as 'cot-death') consistently conclude that co-sleeping puts baby at substantial risk. Governments have publicised their findings throughout the last thirty years or so, and as parents follow the advice given, there has been an undeniable reduction the number of infant deaths, probably by about half since the 1980s, to a rate of approximately 1 in 1000 currently.
• Yet further research suggests that the choice to co-sleep is often part of a package of parenting choices, which may eventually lead to a range of behavioural problems in older children, as the challenge of 'separating' and developing boundaries becomes of greater importance. Getting your child to eventually sleep in their own bed may be much harder if they are used to sleeping in yours.
• Other experts focus on the potential damage done to the relationship of the mother and father by the constant presence of a child in their bed, as the time to communicate, or the opportunity for spontaneous love-making, may be substantially curtailed.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of all the arguments for and against co-sleeping, but they are the most frequently presented ones, and will perhaps help you to decide on which side of the co-sleeping fence you land.

Very recent research has tentatively concluded that if the appropriate precautions are followed, co-sleeping does not necessarily put baby at increased risk of SIDS, and that there is perhaps greater risk involved in mother and child moving to a chair or sofa for a feed and falling asleep there, rather than returning to bed. But one could also argue that some aspects of parenting a young baby are by definition challenging, and that is our own modern obsession with getting enough sleep that causes the problem. If we were more willing to travel at the pace set by our young babies, and ride out night-waking for the transient phenomenon that it ultimately is, we may be more able to be at peace with the interruption to our usual sleep pattern.

If you conclude that this is something that will work for you and your baby, here is a list of situations in which it would always be unsafe to sleep with your child;

NEVER co-sleep with your baby;

• if you or anyone else in your household smokes,
• if you have consumed alcohol or taken drugs, prescription or non-prescription,
• if you are excessively tired or suffer from a sleep disorder such as sleep apnoea (as it may affect your capacity to respond to your baby),
• if your or your partner are obese,
• if you baby was premature (born before 37 weeks gestation),
• if your baby was of low birth weight (under 2.5kgs or 5.5lbs),
• if there is another young child in your bed,
• if your child has a temperature, fever or any signs of illness.

And here is a list of suggestions for ensuring the maximum safety of all;

• Keep your baby warm, not hot; avoid over-dressing him, as he will gain body heat from his proximity to you. There are specialist co-sleeping bedding suppliers whose products are designed to stop all from either over-heating or being smothered by bedclothes.
• Make sure your mattress is firm, as soft mattresses have also been implicated in over-heating and SIDS. Nor do babies need pillows under the age of twelve months.
• Ensure that your baby can't fall out of the bed - there are side rail products and specialist co-sleeping infant enclosures on the market. Also available and a popular choice with co-sleeping parents, are 'side-car' cribs; three-sided cots that attach directly on to the bed, allowing baby his own sleeping space but easy access to mum at feeding times.
• Always put baby to sleep on his back (this applies wherever you lie your baby down to sleep).
• Never leave your baby unattended in your bed.