Coping With Competitive Parents
Most parents will have fallen foul of the competitive streak of another parent at some time in their child's development. As much as you know you should take no notice, it's hard not to take it personally or worry if there is something wrong with your child. Countless mothers, proud of their child's crawling abilities, have had the wind knocked out of their sails when their same-age friend arrives and toddles around them on foot. This, and similar scenarios are hugely common because all children develop at a different rate.
Take two children who have just taken their first steps, one is 11 months old, one is 17 months old - both are deemed 'normal' in terms of development - but to look at, the 11 month old will seem much smaller, much younger and in many other areas (such as communication), probably less well developed. His walking abilities, therefore, will be more noticeable to others and may therefore attract more attention. This can be very hard as a parent, but you must always remind yourself to put these things into perspective. Do you have any idea at what age your friends took their first steps? Does it matter? Which of your friends was the first to get a tooth? Which of them learned to do the actions to 'Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes' first? All of these things are important steps in your child's development, but the precise age at which they are reached is unlikely to be of significance ever again. If you are really concerned that your baby is falling behind then you should seek advice. But do remember that every child is different - as long as you aren't worried about your child's development, why worry what other children are doing? Your child is not in a competition to walk first, speak first or count up to ten before any of his or her peers and you shouldn't be either.
Human beings are naturally competitive, it stems from the time when you had to be competitive to survive, but babies are not a commodity to be measured against others and the fewer parents who do it, the less it will happen. As with all walks of life, parenting may introduce you to people who are unkind or unpleasant - using their child's developmental achievements as a means of mocking others may happen, but in reality such intentional antagonism is rare. What is more likely is that other parents, proud of their child's achievements, are insensitive with their comments. If another parent's boasting is getting you down, remind yourself what they're really saying "I'm so proud of my baby!" We are all proud of our children, and sometimes this can get the better of our judgement when it comes to vocalising our emotions. Very few mums can honestly say they have never opened a conversation with an excited revelation about what their child 'can do' now. It's human nature. Be pleased for your friend that they are so happy, don't let it get in the way of your friendship. Then carry on enjoying your baby for all that they are to you!
