The Juggle of Modern Motherhood?
Friday 25th of October 2013 | Category: Opinion | Written by: Leoarna MathiasWhen I first started blogging, I was very preoccupied with the never-ending juggle I seemed to be compelled to perform as a modern mum. Baking for a birthday party, or the school cake sale one day. Writing website content on Post Natal Depression or Change bag essentials the next. Devoting some quality time to just being with my kids is not easy, but I try. Chairing committee meetings for my local pre-school, campaigning on educational issues, and blogging on my own blog all gets done in the minimal spaces in-between. Laundry, cooking, housework, and the occasional uninterrupted conversation with my husband are all squeezed in round the edges. Now, I don’t tell you this to say ‘hey look at all I’m doing!’ in a ‘love me, I’m marvellous’ way. I am not, repeat not, Super-mum. Far from it. Rather, I’m guessing that my particular version of a life-lived-at-crazy-speed is not so different to yours, if you’re a parent. And that’s my point. As parents, we switch gear between a startling variety of tasks from moment to moment – then collapse in a heap on the sofa at the end of it all, propping our eyes open for ten minutes in front of the television before heading off to bed. Then we get up and do it all over again. No wonder the juggle is such a popular topic amongst parenting bloggers.
Over on the Mum Network Trusted Blogger Club we’re holding our Autumn Blog Carnival Competition. We’ve blogged before about our little club and how proud of it we are, and by way of a thank you to all of them for the great content they put together, we decided to hold a competition. The prize is a ticket to Britmums 2014, one of the biggest and best blogging conferences in the UK.
The topic for the competition is The Juggle of Modern Motherhood. Our members post their entries on their own blogs, and then link it back to our competition page which you’ll find here. As the administrator of the club, I’m not allowed to join in – even if I do feel like I have plenty to say on the topic! So, instead, I’ve lifted an extract of a blog I wrote for another site on this very subject some months ago, just to give you a flavour of what you might expect, should you choose to read a selection of our fine blogger’s competition entries…
I read a lot of mummy blogs (and some daddy ones too). Achieving balance between kids, home, work, and self is a frequently-written-about preoccupation for many. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that it is the most often discussed issue in Parent County, Bloggingdom. Every generation of parents has their own particular challenges to face. My friends are probably bored of hearing me say that finding things tough is not peculiar to those of us parenting right now. Every generation has found it thus; goodness knows that I wouldn’t have fancied life much without an automatic washing machine or dishwasher. But we modern mummies do face a Juggle that deserves a capital ‘J’, one that demands we pull themselves in all directions to meet a multitude of complex needs. In my dark-thinking moments, I conclude that 21st century motherhood is isolating, confusing, full of overwhelming expectations and topped off nicely with a complete lack of status or recognition for what we achieve on society’s behalf. Ann Oakley noted in the 1974 that women in the home did work of real value to society and the wider economy, but didn’t get paid for it. Nearly 40 years later and I’m not sure much has changed. Except that now it has become the norm to work our proverbials off at home, and when that’s finished, go out and do some more elsewhere as well. While we are now earning more, there’s more to pay for and it’s all more expensive in real terms. The image of chasing tails comes to mind. How it got like this would keep me typing for hours… but perhaps I’ll save it for another blog post over at Not Different But Interesting!
At other, brighter, times I tend to think I am doing a reasonable job of the Juggle. Hopefully, as you read this, you can nod your head and acknowledge that you are doing a pretty good job too. Take today; I‘ve done the pre-school drop off and pick up for my oldest, been to Music with Mummy with the younger one, checked and responded to emails, tidied, played, tweeted and blogged, sorted laundry, cooked, cuddled, talked and got them to bed. We even baked a carrot cake when we got in from pre-school. This isn’t bragging, but making such a list is a useful exercise in assessing how full our days are, how many times on any given day you switch gear from domestic to psychologist, to playmate, to career professional, and so on, and so on. Over the last year there have been many occasions where it would have benefitted me to stop and tot up just what I had achieved that day; so strong has the sense of Not Getting Anywhere been, at times. We find out a lot about who we are as people when we parent, but it can be hard to find the moment in which to step back, assess, and recognise the value of what we are doing. In short, we’re not great at patting ourselves on the back.
As individuals, we are a mish-mash of all we have done, all our former lives, our former selves. As an older mum who’s had a rather winding career path, I brought a lot of varied, relevant knowledge and experience to my becoming a parent. It hasn’t always been anywhere near enough to prepare me for the challenges parenting presents me with. But blogging, and being part of the blogging community, has given me a fresh and positive perspective on it all. It has given me a voice, a place to explore this oh-so-vital job I am doing. It has broadened my view and helped me to be better informed. I have an identity away from the intensity of being mummy to two little people, something that is just mine, and can engender a real sense of pride. It also augments my parenting, rather like having an angel on my shoulder who watches over what I do, nudging me to choose the calmer, more centred response to the crazy I am dealing with. And the altruism and generosity of the blogging community is such that you can pass your wisdom, empathy and support forward, knowing that when you are next in need of it, it will swing back round to be there for you.
I hope that has whetted your appetite!
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