Relocating Overseas with Kids: My Top 10 Tips for Easing The Transition
Monday 3rd of February 2014 | Category: Opinion | Written by: Sara MurrayRelocating overseas is tough. You leave behind all that is familiar, to start again.
It's hard enough as an adult when you can understand and rationalise what is to come, but as a child who has been taken away from family, friends, school, home, bedroom; it's really hard.
They cannot see ahead, the future is nebulous to a child. You cannot explain that they will make new friends, settle into a new school, enjoy their new home, love their new bedroom.
They do not believe that they will have fun: visiting new places, trying new things, having new experiences.
They do not believe that they will make friends like the ones they had at home; that they will enjoy a new school; that swimming lessons will be the same; that they will find new favourite foods.
If, like us, you move overseas with a child who has already started school, has a strong network of their own and has a sense of change and what it means; it could be hard work.
Those first months were difficult for all of us, but our priority was always the children.
Our then three year old settled as soon as he started preschool. His connection to home, while strong, was not at the cost of creating new connections. Our daughter was only four months old, and while this may have made for a stressful move for us, it didn't phase her in the slightest!
Our oldest, however, was six when we relocated and for the first few months he was mainly angry.
He hated the house. He hated his new bedroom. He hated the hot weather. He hated the cheese, and the baked beans.
He was lonely and upset and frightened.
There will be a temptation to overcompensate. And we did. But, if I can give one key piece of advice, it would be to stick to 'normal' as much as possible. The extra treats, the relaxation of rules, the second (and third) warnings, will ultimately come back to bite you.
So, if you are moving, in particular over seas, here are my Top 10 tips for easing the transition for your children:
- Talk to them: before, during and after. They need reassurance, and although they may not seem to believe you, it will help in the long run.
- Take what you can with you to create a familiar space for your children when you arrive (toys, books, pictures, photographs).
- Try to stick to normal routines and rules as much as possible.
- Don't over compensate and allow them to get away with behaviour you wouldn't at home. I found this hard as I knew the root cause of the behaviour was sadness and frustration and I made allowances that I ultimately had to 'fix' later.
- Source familiar foods - they may (will!) be resistant to things that taste a little different. Don't force the issue and if need be, accept that you have to buy really expensive imported baked beans...!
- Make friends yourself: join groups, go to the library, take classes. The sooner you have a network that can extend to them, the better.
- School will make a huge difference, getting into a routine and making friends will make the transition easier. Encourage play dates, engineer them if you have to!
- Find an out of school activity for them, both my sons swim and the oldest has joined the Cub Scouts. This develops skills and a wider circle of friends.
- Get them to write letters, emails, cards to friends back home. Skype and FaceTime friends and family. Help them to maintain those connections to home, without allowing them to get in the way of making new ones.
- But, above all, grab every opportunity the move brings you. It is an adventure, make the most of it. It is so easy for the day to day to take over: make time and make memories.
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