Ordinary Fathers and Celebrity Mums...
Wednesday 19th of June 2013 | Category: Opinion | Written by: Leoarna MathiasOrdinary fathers...
As I write, it is the evening of Father’s Day. Now, when you have a four year old, a one year old, and are endeavouring to live life on a careful budget, there’s not much room for grandiose demonstrations of our appreciation. My little girl and I made Daddy a lovely Kilner jar full of penny sweets, with messages of love written on little strips of paper, adorned with stickers, and buried between the layers of cola bottles and jelly beans. And of course, the prerequisite home-made card also made an appearance. We’ve been for a peaceful walk in some nearby woods, and cake and tea at a local garden centre. And that is about the size of it. For me, the most valuable aspect of days such as these is that they can compel us to slow down and smell the proverbial roses, as a family. I’m a freelancer who juggles work, children and domestics; my husband has his own business. Too many days can pass without an extended conversation between us, or a bit of quality ‘daddy-time’, however hard we try.
For others it is more extreme than this. Earlier this week Tom Harris, MP for Glasgow South and a Labour front-bencher, resigned from his role as Shadow Minister for DEFRA. His reason? To spend more time with his wife and young children. In his letter to Ed Milliband, Harris writes:
"I am faced with the uncomfortable truth that my talents, such as they are, do not extend to being an effective front-bencher as well as a good husband and father."
He goes on to explore the particular challenges that being an MP in Westminster, when your constituency is a long way away, present. I suspect that there are millions of men up and down this country, in jobs both high-powered and work-a-day, who feel as he does. Also this week, the TUC reported that less than one percent of men take up their right to 26 weeks statutory paternity pay. The rate of the pay is set at £136 per week, and the report suggests that fathers cannot ask their families to manage on this modest amount. The report goes on to suggest that opportunities for fathers to bond with their young children are limited as a result. Decisions like the one Mr Harris has made are to be lauded, as they shine a light onto the un-family friendly nature of the world of work for many. At the same time, he continues in his role as an MP with a high salary, and my feeling is that many more men in the UK would love to be spending more time with their children and less at work - but they don’t because they can’t afford the luxury of ‘quality time’. My wish for all new fathers is that you find a way to connect with your children, even if it can only be during the fleeting moments of a Sunday afternoon.
...and Celebrity Mums
There are times when I find the media’s portrayal of celebrity mother’s unfathomable. They neglect their children for the glamour of the red carpet. They ‘let themselves go’ in the months following the baby’s birth. They expose their children to the glare of the spotlight, or cosset them away so no-one can even get a long-lens photo of them. In short, dammed, whatever they do. A couple of weeks ago, The Telegraph put itself in the firing line for publishing a highly judgemental piece about Kate Winslet’s decision to have another child with her new husband, making it three children with three different partners. Thankfully, (and thanks to the power of online newspaper publishing, on the very same day) The Telegraph gave voice to a very different perspective on Miss Winslet’s personal choices and thus redressed the balance to a degree. In her excellent piece, Zoe Margolis articulates the unspoken in our society; that we are still too inclined to judge women by their sexual and parenting choices. We rarely give men the same kind of treatment. Here on Babies.co.uk, we’re not at all interested in giving celebrities a tough time, though we do from time to time use their experiences to illuminate one or other aspects of the parenting universe. Ours is not to judge, more to inform and assist you as you navigate your way through your parenting journey.
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