Opinion

My Key Parenting 'Rules'

Friday 30th of August 2013  |  Category: Opinion  |  Written by: Jocelyn Reading

I've been a mum now for nearly 4 years. I can hardly believe that my beautiful daughter will soon turn 4, and that my gorgeous boy is 1 this month. We don't plan to have any more children, so whilst I am looking forward to all the fun that we will have now that he's toddling about, I am becoming wistful over those baby days, forever gone now. We've come a long way in these past 4 years (well, I like to think so), from those clueless parents who thought they were intelligent, but when faced with a small, screaming bundle, discovered that they actually knew nothing and all that had gone before paled into comparison to what was about to come. 

It's got me thinking about our parenting learns. With our son, we've been about a million times more relaxed than we were with our daughter, largely due to being more knowledgeable this time round and not having to deal with that 'OMG, we're parents and this is our lives now forever...' moment. We've made lots of mistakes, and I suspect we'll make quite a few more, but everything has been done with love and a need to protect and encourage them.

'Rules' sounds harsh, doesn't it? I don't think I am that strict, but there are a few things that help to get us all through each day. I'd say we like a fair bit of routine and structure here, so after nearly 4 years of this motherhood malarkey, here are the key rules and activities that we're living by...

- my husband and I are consistent. We always stick to our 'no's, we back each other up, and never contradict each other. The children know where they stand with us, and know the boundaries - I'm not saying they don't push them, just that they know them!
 
- everyone has breakfast. It sets us all up for the day, means they have the energy to have fun and learn new things and it keeps them still and relatively quiet for a little bit in the mornings so I can get things done. 
 
- our house is well-stocked with yoghurt and bread. If toast and yoghurt aren't available here, woe betide us..!
 
- jam on toast is only ever to be consumed in the kitchen. Never in the living room on the new sofas. 
 
 - we do activities together. I want them exploring and discovering, and in turn growing passionate about the world around them. So we cook, bake, craft, garden, nature hunt, read, read and read some more. 
 
- we encourage the kids to play together, sing and chat to each other (baby boy's still getting the hang of this one!), share their things and give each other plenty of kisses and cuddles. I'm sure there will be plenty of rough sibling days ahead, but I'm close to my brother so I want to support their budding relationship, too. 
 
- play dough yes, plasticine no. Simple rule. 
 
- we eat our dinner as a family, at the table, all 4 of us, every day. We're very lucky that my husband is home just before 5pm every day so that we can do this, and it's so important to me. Our children are good eaters, and I think this helps with that, and I'm sure as they grow, this will be a time to share how our days have been together. 
 
- they have a bedtime routine. There is no budging on this one. We've never been the parents who have kids falling asleep in front of the telly at night, or keeping them up until 10pm. At 6.30, playtime in their rooms, bath-time, milk, stories and then bed. No messing about here, people! By 7.30 both of us are back downstairs and have our evenings together. We have refreshed and energetic children the next day, too (is this a good thing? Hmm, might re-think..!)
 
- I tell them that I love them every single day (many times, normally), and I'll make sure that I do this for the rest of their lives.
 
And that's it. The rest we make up and are still working out. I know that with different stages in their lives, we'll develop a different framework in which to keep them thriving, but for now, this one's our lot and we're all OK, so it's working for us. 
 
One thing that I have found as a mum is that people will judge you, though not as many people as you think, and much of it is in your own head. Go with your instincts, always put them to bed with a hug and a smile, and if they're happy and healthy, then you're doing a good job, and don't let anyone tell you any different.
 
So what are your key learns? Are there must-do's and do not's in your parenting, too, or are you more a go with the flow type? 


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