How to Survive Being a Stay at Home Mum

Firstly I would like to say that there is no easy answer to the above question, and I think it is fair to say that for some people it’s just not an option. I am a stay at home and to be honest I sometimes wonder how I am surviving; it is the most difficult and challenging job I have ever done!

Looking after my two daughters is hard work; in a typical day I experience a whole range of emotions, from being happy and having lots of fun playing with the girls, to occasional tears when I feel so overwhelmed by being employed twenty four hours a day seven days a week. I am very aware that I am responsible for caring for my two daughters day and night.

On reflection, I was not really prepared for this way of life; saying that, I don’t think anything can prepare you for having children and then sacrificing your own career, or maybe just putting it on hold for sometime, to focus on bringing them up.

However, being a stay at home mum is not just all doom and gloom, there are many, many positives, for instance, I love the fact that I am around for the girls when they need me, and we get to have lots of fun. It also means that we don’t have the expense of paying for someone to look after the girls; to be honest, even if I did want the girls to spend some time in childcare so that I could have a little bit of a break, this would not be an option as we can not afford the ever increasing cost of childcare. In fact one of the deciding factors behind quitting work and becoming a stay at home mum was that the childcare costs were greater than my take home pay!

We are very fortunate that we can just about get by on my husbands income alone, but it can be really tight sometimes and we often end up with unexpected bills and sometimes having to put the food shopping on the credit card. We can’t afford lavish holidays and settle for a day or two away in a caravan. I do sometimes feel like the girls are missing out on things, but I can’t change the fact that money does not grow on trees.

I have now been a stay at home mum for just over 4 years and I am surviving, but I have learnt along my journey that there are things that I have needed to put in place so that I can have a bit of balance and not just be Ruby and Lottie’s mother, but find my own identity again. Is it just me or does anyone else feel like they have lost who they are since they became a parent?

I have learnt that I am a better parent if I occasionally allow for a small amount of time and space away from the hustle and bustle of being a full time mummy, when I can have some me time and do things that I enjoy like practicing my knitting skills, something that I have only learnt to do in the last couple of years, but I love the satisfaction I get after making something.

I feel it’s so important to make time for yourself away from your children, sometimes it can be as simple as my husband taking complete charge of bathing and getting the girls to bed whilst I sit down with a cup of tea and just put my feet up and browse the internet, and when my husband will cook the dinner after the bedtime routine; this time for me is so valuable, it’s time for me to switch off, to relax and be me.

I have also recently undertaken some additional responsibility for a charity that I am passionate about; “Pregnancy Sickness Support” supports women suffering from nausea through to Hyperemesis, a condition that I have unfortunately suffered with during both my pregnancies. There is a lot going on at the moment and I am being kept busy as I am using my social media skills to help raise much needed awareness. As a charity they are about to launch a really exciting campaign, so keep an eye out on my blog in the coming weeks.

I believe it’s vital to plan things to do with the children; it adds structure to the day and keeps us all entertained. I like to plan what we will do a few days in advance. Recently we have enjoyed strawberry picking, swimming and making home-made chocolate playdoh. It is so important to get out of the house; I suffer cabin fever if we stay in the house too much, so I am always looking for low cost places to visit with the girls, sometimes even a trip to shops can really help with cabin fever.

So, would I change my decision to be a stay at home mum? Hmmm, I’m not sure, I have really loved the time that I have had with the girls, we have had so much fun together and have bonded so well; but I am itching to do something for me. After a lot of consideration, I have decided to apply to university to hopefully start studying in September 2014, Ruby will be in her second year at school and Lottie will be starting preschool, but I still feel a little bit guilty about leaving the girls.

There is no easy answer, everyone is different and responds to this challenge in different ways. It is really important to remember though that what ever we choose and however we handle it, it’s a very personal decision and one that should be made on its own merits.

I would love to know what you think.

This article is a feature from the MUM.com Trusted Bloggers Club.

About the author

Kimberley Tyler

Kimberley is in her late 20's and lives with her young family in Leicestershire; Kimberley enjoys voluntary work and is particularly passionate about raising awareness of women's issues; she is currently preparing to fulfill her dream of becoming a midwife.

Click here to read my full biography.