Going at Their Own Pace - and Helping Them Along

Friday 9th of August 2013 | Category: Opinion | Written by: Leoarna Mathias

My 21-month-old little boy is very much his own man. Before he has the patience to finish his fingers of toast, he wants his “Goos” (read: shoes) on so that he can head outside to play with his big sister. He happily sits in his Little Tykes car, clutching toy trains and cars, uttering “Brum” and “Choo, choo”. He pulls his little truck along the gravel drive, full of mud, water, his drink bottle, and a few other randomly selected items. Before he came along, our board books had survived three years of use by his sister. Puzzles remained intact, boxes were in good shape. Not now. He has been on the go since an early stage. Up on his feet at 9 months, and now very proficient in his running, climbing and use of the stairs. His sister would sit quietly on my lap to read those books, holding her night-time milk bottle; he wonders about his bedroom and I read to him in short snippets as best I can – sitting on me is simply not an option. At least two toy cars are a must for bedtime, and as I peak in to check he is going off, I see him driving the wheels along his mattress, soothing himself into slumber.

Every Child's Different

Children are unique. Yes, we have a duty to ensure that their development is being promoted effectively. As parents, it is our ‘job’ to provide the right care, the right environment and the right experiences so that our children are given the best chance of progressing emotionally, socially, physically and intellectually. There’s no doubting that these are hefty responsibilities. And it can be hard to see your way through, if you are worrying that your child isn’t managing to grasp sitting, crawling, walking or talking at the same speed as the baby next door. I have these worries about my son, for all of his seeming independence. His words are coming at a slower pace than his sister’s did, and it is hard in the melee of normal life to carve out quiet, focused time to support his development in this area. Luckily, knowledge gained in another professional arena reassures me that if I am consistent with even little pockets of time, he will get there – and nor am I afraid to ask for outside support. Mum and Two Kids

Watching my son this weekend, while together with my wider family and other little ones, it struck me that parenting is all about this ‘steering’. I want to strike a healthy balance between accepting him for who he is, as someone utterly different to his sibling, and at the same time, make sure I am doing what I can to help him achieve all that he has the potential for. Amongst my friends who are parents I know that worries just like mine pervade. At the same time, we are bombarded with a plethora of information via the media that tells us what we should be doing, what we aren’t doing, and so on, and so on; just to add that extra layer of guilt into the mix.

Now, here at Mum Network, our goal is always to adopt a more productive and proactive tone. We know that you are doing all you can at every given moment to help your little ones along. But if you are, currently, fretting about an aspect of your child’s development, we thought we’d offer you this (short) book list, containing titles that we think are strong on offering help without judgement.

Books That May Help

The What To Expect Series of titles are great for giving you a broad overview of children’s development, and a substantial number of ideas for tackling this or that developmental problem, in calm and reassuring style.

Your Second Child by Joan Solomon Weiss is now over 30 years old but is still full of relevant practical advice on balancing the needs of both your children.

Games to Play with Babies by Jackie Silberg is a delightful and easy to use title. A perfect guide for every parent, even those who feel they will never be that great at playing with their little one.

Raising Confident Girls by Ian and Mary Grant focuses specifically on the issues around raising girls who can cope well with the competetative environment our children now grown up in, and with the impact of the body-image obsessed media.

Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph. Steve has become something of a go-to guru for the media on the secrets of raising happy children, and boys, and how their needs differ from girls and are sometimes not well met, is his specialist subject.

The Philosophical Baby by Alison Gopnik takes a very original angle, and unravels some of the mysteries of how pre-verbal children experience their world.

Hopefully you’ll find some interesting, informative and inspiring stuff between the covers of these fine tomes – and if you have any others that you’d like to suggest to a readership, please go right ahead and add them in the comments section!