Change - Friend or Foe?

As the leaves begin to turn and the central heating becomes ever more appealing, we also welcome the start of a new school year.  Or do we?  Welcome it, I mean....

Last week my middle child started secondary school - a milestone we've been building up to for the last year and a change that has been lurking in the background all summer.

Change and I have a sketchy relationship. I have to admit to being somewhat uncomfortable with its presence; as is my daughter.  Whether this is learnt behaviour or something she has inherited, is probably a debate for another day, but the fact remains: change is an inevitability of life and one that we have to teach our children to deal with.

My most memorable 'run in ' with change was 13 years ago, when I became a parent.  I wrestled with the idea of having children, mainly because I knew that change would follow and I didn't feel ready.  Would I ever feel 'ready' for such a big change?  Thankfully, nature took its course and I found myself unexpectedly pregnant with our first child.  My husband was 'over the moon'.  I was apprehensive.

When our first daughter was born (a whole 2 weeks after her due date!), I was bursting with joy.  What new parent isn't?  But a few days in, reality began to bite and I remember sitting on the sofa in our living room (once reserved for just the two of us) feeling as though my life had been invaded.  I felt uncomfortable knowing that this would be it from here on in; no longer just me and him, the life I was used to, the one I knew well.  Everything was about to get messy and I wasn't sure how to adjust.

The part I find the hardest about change is the transition period - a time of uncertainty with no clear lines on what's coming next.  For us change-a-phobes (as I have affectionately named myself), this part causes anxiety and is hard work.  The reality is however, chage is here to stay and as my children grow up (in particular by change-resistant 11 year old), it's up to us parents to teach them how to adjust and accept it with the least amount of emotional upheaval.

Over the years, I've learnt a thing or two about how to handle change better and these have come in handy when attempt to coerce my daughter too: 

• Closing the door to sentimentality. This doesn't mean becoming totally hard-hearted and casting aside anything to do with our past, it's more about not dwelling on it in a melancholic way.  Learning to cherish the memories, without constantly hankering after them.

• Change is as good as a rest.  Even I'm beginning to realise that sometimes change is our friend and not our foe.  For some of us (myself and daughter included) this isn't easy.  We love our routine and stepping out of it can make us feel very uncomfortable.  However, it's these little changes that eventually prepare us for the bigger ones down the line. Having a little shake up is good for us every now and again - perhaps trying a different breakfast cereal or going out for breakfast on a Saturday morning (yes, even this would be difficult for my daugher!).

• Consider the opportunities. I know that in the past, I have often seen change as a negative.  I am trying to teach my daughter that change brings with it plenty of positives.  From experience, captivating negative thoughts and focussing on all the exciting prospects ahead, has a huge influence on whether the transition phase will be positive or negative. 

• Allowing for growth.  I think we can all look back on some of the biggest changes in our life and recognise an element of personal growth.  Moving house, starting a new job, ending a relationship, becoming a parent (!) can all cause a good deal of stress.  They can also give us a much wider perspective on life, resulting in us emerging a much more rounded human being.

Adapting to change is a process and one I am continually learning to do better.  It has been wonderful to see my ordinarily anxious daughter start secondary school with a spring in her step and an enthusiasm for her future.  It would seem that change really can be a good thing.

What's your view of change?  Are you someone who relishes new things or are you a little more like me and nervous of upsetting the apple cart? 

This article is a feature from the MUM.com Trusted Bloggers Club.

About the author

Suzanne Whitton

Suzanne is a mum to 3 school-age children ranging from 13 to 8. She writes with honesty and a touch of humour about the highs and lows of modern-day parenting. Come and join her as she weaves through the chaos and learns to enjoy the ride!

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